Hello my friends,
Welcome back to your weekly mental health check! This week’s topic: the superwoman. This one is for us females and in particular working mums: we are under more stress than ever. Being the perfect girlfriend or wife, the ambitious career woman and loving mother whilst never looking tired or complaining has become the new norm. And here’s the catch: you can’t win. Society expects you to have children and a career at the same time. However, the way this translates into actual life is far less clear. Many people frown upon putting children in day care from an early age, yet also judge those who stay at home for the first years as old-fashioned. Are women expected to double, or even triple their contribution to society? Having a career, raising children and caring for the elderly.
My grandmother was one of these superwomen. She was very disciplined, had that silly sense of humour (the kind that my children nowadays would love), hard-working and very clear on her morals and ethics. She wasn’t easily influenced by others, and strived for goals she believed in. Even when she was ninety, she was taking English and Pilates classes, went to choir every week, and met up with her friends (the “Seepferdchen” aka sea horses) to go swimming and to the sauna together. Her day, even when she was old and frail, was very structured: every morning she would have her coffee at the desk looking over the garden and take notes of the current weather and at what time high tide was (she lived near the ocean). No idea why she made notes on the times of the tide, (she never went swimming in the ocean), but it gave her morning a structure. She was an active member in diverse charities, and even today, many years after her death, I still receive letters from charities thanking for her engagement and support. And on top of it all – she did it all with a sense of pride and grace. She spent the last thirty years living alone after my grandfather had died, and not once complained about life.
Always graceful…my grandmother
Research shows that women carry most of the mental load when it comes to family — caring for children and for elderly relatives who need support. This critically important role has historically fallen to women, but we have evolved beyond it. We have our own passions, careers, projects, and goals. Sadly, we are also great at putting ourselves down (hello, “mum guilt”). Yet here is the surprising part: research shows that women who fulfill multiple roles are actually happier than those who do not.
So how do we combine it all without losing ourselves? The secret is to accept and reframe the situation. I know, extremely hard and often times almost impossible. You are a hero — without you, nothing would function the way it does. Remember that you offer an extremely valuable contribution to our society. Isn’t it incredible that you have a family that needs you? That people count on you at work? However, you need to find a way to recharge. This week, carve out a moment and do something extravagant for yourself. Take a bath and light some candles when the kids are asleep. Grab an overpriced fancy coffee on your way to work. Treat yourself to that new handbag. Your world needs you — so take good care of yourself.
And most importantly, remember that you don’t have to fulfil any of these roles expected by society. It’s your life and you are perfect. It’s your way or the highway!
Stay tuned for next week, where the topic is: restless or rest less?
Take care – and take charge!
See you next week,
It’s me, Jules, your biggest fan
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