Hello my friends,
Welcome back to your weekly mental health check! This week’s topic: are we resting too much? While we need to recharge from our busy lives, too much rest can backfire. In psychology, we call this the “window of tolerance”. The window of tolerance shrinks – and suddenly, everything we’d normally handle without much effort becomes overwhelming. Here’s the truth: we actually don’t need that much “time off”. Many of us spend an insane amount of time on social media (“doom scrolling”), watching TV and lounging about in our spare time. We might not even be aware of it.
Often we don’t automatically do what’s right for us, because our environment works against us (mobile phones, social media, the list goes on…). I used to work in a clinic where I had to commute by car for three hours each day (1,5 hours to get there by 8 am, and then 1,5 hours getting back in the evening). In between the drives, I was mostly sitting down, on the computer, talking to patients. During lunch break, I would walk down the corridor to sit in the kitchen and have lunch with my colleagues, Although the clinic was in the middle of a beautiful forest, I never once used my lunch break for a walk in the forest (mind you, I had lovely colleagues, so I had a great time sitting in the kitchen and having a laugh with them!). When I got home in the evening, I would most often be exhausted and watch TV. But on some evenings, I had long chats with friends about every little piece of our lives, did some sport, or read a good book or piece in the newspaper – sometimes listening to a science-y podcast. Which served me more, and which do I remember better? The “resting” or the engaging activities? Definitely the active ones. Not necessarily in the sporty sense, but in the socially stimulating sense. I would be able to switch my mind off from work much better and have a much more restorative night’s sleep. Paradoxically, the resting evenings left me feeling unsatisfied and somehow, restless. However, despite the obviously more beneficial outcomes, I would definitely have more evenings lounging about than being active. It’s still a work in progress – and sometimes there is just the need for some rest with a good film and a cozy tea, but definitely without getting distracted by endless scrolling or switching channels!
One of my favourite memories and most energising, refreshing and funny ways to spend my time after work relate to my time in Lisbon. Every Wednesday I met up with a friend who was also working at the university. What started out as a single meet up at a cafe, where she wanted to learn some German with me, turned into (from then on almost every Wednesday for many years!) long hours at a bar where we would order tapas and red wine and would have the best conversations (learning German was soon forgotten!). Those nights, despite getting to bed super late, were the ones where I felt the most motivated and inspired the next morning.
Life happens, when you are busy resting ….
Check yourself: what do you do after work? Does it generate memories? If you have a desk job, you really don’t need to spend even more time sitting down after work is done. This week, meet up with a friend for a drink after work. Put away that phone (after you’re done reading Jules’ Blog, of course). Be open to new hobbies or projects and get out of your comfort zone, and let’s open that window of tolerance. Do something you have never done before (anything from reading a bio of an inspiring person to taking a new sports class). Travel and socialise more. Whatever makes you feel alive. I will do it too! Life is now – let’s not miss out on it. But also let’s not forget that, as always, it all comes down to balance: Some weekends are all about lounging about at home and watching TV, and sometimes that’s exactly what we need.
Stay tuned for next week’s topic: “The Way You Make Me Feel: Why Do Seemingly Nice People Leave Us Feeling Uneasy?”
Take care – and take charge!
See you next week,
It’s me, Jules, your biggest fan
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